I Participated In A Conversation About Porn — And It Moved Me
It is such a joy to see women say the words you wouldn’t expect them to say in our cloistered social climate.
By Dr. Ishmeet Nagpal:
Yesterday, I attended the event “Rethinking Pornography with Richa Kaul Padte” hosted by Point of View and Penguin India, as a part of the book release of ‘Cyber Sexy’.
I took a notepad along just in case I’d find something interesting to jot down and ended up filling it cover to cover. Richa’s presence and manner are pure and intelligent, and she has some enlightening insights about pornography. Out of the one hour of conversations and Q&A, what I loved the most were the readings of snippets by Srinidhi Raghavan, Shreya Ila Anasuya and the writer herself. It is such a joy to see women say the words you wouldn’t expect them to say in our cloistered social climate.
Richa talked quite a bit about consent and what I found really interesting was how she explained the three levels of consent where porn was concerned. The first level is the act itself, so people engaging in a sexual act need to consent to it. The second level is the filming of said act, and the third, consent to share or distribute it for viewing by other people.
Consent at one level does not equal consent at other levels. Consent has become convoluted and messy in these times of technology. So is abstinence from clicking nudes or agreeing to be filmed, the only way to prevent misuse for revenge porn? Richa says only an overhaul of the culture of sexism and misogyny can stop practices like revenge porn.
“Only an overhaul of the culture of sexism and misogyny can stop practices like revenge porn.”
Richa says the content created as a result of violation are rape videos which should be curbed but the law as it stands does not distinguish between consensual filming/distribution and assault videos. It just puts everything under the umbrella of obscenity making the filming and sharing of porn illegal in India. She made an excellent point about the need of a revenge porn law in India and replacing the obscenity law in its current form.
Richa also talked about her writing process and I couldn’t help but smile at the bits that seemed much like my process. Her reflections on her struggles with chronic illness were relatable as I suffer from a chronic condition as well. I will follow her example and write in the mornings now with less distractions from social media to cloud my brain.
Another wonderful reading by Shreya explored the concept of dance floors as venues of mass intimacy and I am so excited to read the entire chapter in the book now. Richa drew a beautiful comparison about porn coming out of the closet in India by referencing a childhood story of the boy who stopped a dam from bursting by using his finger to plug the leak. Richa says the dam is about to burst now.
From the snippet readings, it was evident that her prose reads like poetry and has a melodious flow to it, which I prefer over the monotonous. Richa has included a lot of personal experiences in the book, which is generally not common for non-fiction books, and that is what will make the book special for me.
“The dam is about to burst now.”
In the Q&A she spoke about the question of morality and how we try to “define” porn so as to delineate it from so called “moral” media that endorses sexism every day anyway.
Her insights and ideas make one think deeply about an issue that we hesitate to even discuss in sex ed with teens, when they are the ones most vulnerable. The event left me with countless new questions, and I hope to find some answers in her book. What I can say for sure is that the conversation about porn with 50 people in the room was a form of mass intimacy for me as well, it moved me and shifted my perceptions. I hope her book inspires more people to open their minds and rethink porn.
About the author: Dr. Ishmeet Nagpal is a public health professional, social activist, trainer on gender and sexuality issues. She is also a poet, writer, co-founder of SXonomics, and is currently working at Save The Children India.
